I had a dream...

I had a really strange dream the other night. In my dream, I was sitting with my husband (who wasn’t really my husband – it was some other random person but in my thoughts, I was thinking it was my husband!). Anyways, it was evening time and we were chatting.

I was asking how his day at work was and he was giving vague answers. In my mind, I was panicking because I couldn’t remember what he did for a living. I was desperately trying to figure out what he did for a living before he caught on that I didn’t remember. It was freaky! My mind was racing and frantically trying to retrieve the information but it kept coming up blank. I kept asking him questions in hopes of getting a clue and to cover up that I didn’t know. I asked if anything different happened at work today (nope); if everyone was at work today (yep…was hoping for a name of a co-worker to help me); if he ate lunch today (hoping he’d mention where he ate lunch for a possible location clue).

I also looked at how he was dressed, if he had tools or a briefcase with him, the state of his hands (I thought he might be a mechanic at one point) and I tried to remember what hours he seemed to work. I woke up before I figured out what he did.

It was the weirdest dream I’ve had in a quite a while! I felt a bit startled by it. That must be how an Alzheimers patient must feel like when they’re in the early stages and trying to cover up their memory losses. My mom used to be quite clever about getting around things when she was confused…and that’s when I actually knew something was wrong with her. I wonder how long she had been operating like that before I caught on. I’m also thinking about the person not really being my husband in the dream… how it must be so confusing and scary to be sitting with someone when you aren’t quite sure how you’re related. My mom used to think I was her sister and my brother was her husband or her own brother (who was deceased for years). I was also forever a student in my mom’s mind ~ she was always asking how school was. Her Alzheimers became apparent when I was 17 so maybe that was the age range that she had me set at.

It was a scary little glimpse I had in this dream. As scary, frustrating and heartbreaking as it is for caregivers, it must be absolutely terrifying for the patients in the early stages when they’re still aware.