A New Chapter

It’s been a while since I posted. There hasn’t been much to post about (you'll laugh at that statement by the end of this post) and I’m in a terrible set-up at work where I have zero privacy (hey, what I do on my lunch or breaks is my business!).

However, I thought today I’d post. In terms of my family, it’s the same-old sh*t, different day. My siblings continue to be from another planet. Christmas was terrible – one sibling avoided the whole scene by saying his/her family was trying to get away for a mini-vacation (which was a complete lie and never happened). There’s a whole whack of other stuff going on with this sibling which I don’t want to get into online but it’s another big reason he/she’s become so distant. The other sibling came over to my place as did my DH’s parents. It was a nice enough time but I was quite sad not to see the first sibling and my niece/nephew. I rarely see those kids now. Maybe twice a year which really depresses me.

I don’t think my siblings will ever radically change and I have to accept that. We had our mom in common but other than that, they’re pretty messed up people. It’s a hard thing for me to accept, being the “baby” of the siblings. I’ve cried many times about the situation. I miss having family. Nothing against my poor DH, but he’s not my blood. I love him to pieces but he’s still not my flesh and blood. For some reason, the void of family leaves a big empty spot in me.

I miss having family to love. My mom’s passing really took a toll on me and now, it’s quite apparent that my siblings and I aren’t going to live happily ever after. We’re going to live dysfunctional, distant and somewhat estranged ever after. I will continue to want to be loving and a family; they will continue to be themselves and I will continue to hurt and long for happiness.

So, I finally came off the fence and decided something. It’s been on/off my mind for years but I’ve finally decided. Citygirl is going to become Citymom! Yes, you read it here first. DH & I have talked about children for years and I’ve just never felt 100% ready or capable. When I was caring for my mom, I just couldn’t imagine how a child would fit in or how I’d have enough energy for everything and everyone. I felt dead on my feet as it was.

But now, this void inside of me is calling for someone to love, nurture and share life with. My DH has been patient as a saint regarding this and I think he’s ready too. We’re ready to have our own family and not rely on my dysfunctional mess or his family (gee, I could write a whole other blog about his family!) for that fulfillment. We want to have our own celebrations and happiness. So here we go…stay tuned as I become citymom (estimated arrival is early July!).