Well, here I am on December 23, getting ready to celebrate the first Christmas with my own child. I have such mixed emotions from happiness to complete heartbreak. Wishing my mom was here but looking at my own child hoping he enjoys his first Christmas (even though he's only 5 months old!). I miss my mom terribly during holidays. It still stings. Funny, I smile about my son wailing when I leave the room...he misses me even when I just leave the room. If he only knew how much I understand about missing someone.
My family won't be together on Christmas Day which saddens me a bit. I had hoped this Christmas would be different. To be fair, the boycotting sibling from last year is away this year on holiday (yeah, nice timing...anyways) but at least s/he's not all out avoiding like last year. We'll be seeing the other sibling so that's good. Boycotter sibling said maybe we'll see each other when s/he returns from holiday. Whatever. It doesn't seem to bother me as much this year as last year.
Funny, as I read this as I'm typing, I thought about something. Technically, MY family WILL BE together this Christmas. I have my DH and my son. I guess I still think about my siblings as "my" family but maybe I should start to think about my own little family now first.
I hope my fellow bloggers have a good holiday season...I know it's tough when you have a parent with Alzheimers during the holidays. And special thoughts to Greg...I'll be thinking of you on this First Noel.
Till next year,
citygirl
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2 comments:
Thanks for your thoughts, CityMom - Merry Christmas to you and your Loved-Ones! I'm glad to read that you are re-orienting that strong nurturing sense of yours around your own immediate family and feeling slightly less devastated about the sibling with other priorities.
I feel like I've got Alzheimer's myself the way I'm constantly having to remind myself that Mum is gone. Every trip to the shops or the supermarket sees my heart leaping and plummeting as I notice things that she would have enjoyed for Christmas. I've become highly sensitized to certain products and ingredients over the past few years, as my responsibility for Mum grew. It's hard enough when I see something I used to buy for her, but when I see a new product - something she'd have loved but now will never know - it hurts. Every now and then I feel panic for a moment, because I've not bought anything for Mum yet, then relief when I remember that there's no need, then guilt that I felt relief... etc. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
Looking back 2 years ago, I don't recognise myself at all in my words to you (or my photo - yikes!)
Thanks again for the mention - a lovely Christmas surprise. Merry Christmas to you and DH and your Son, and I hope 2011 brings you all great things and much happiness x
Congrats on Babies frist Christmas. I know it is hard for you without your mom but focus on the baby. My son saved my mom and my life during the holidays without my dad. A baby is the best gift . Both brothers are mad at me so won't be seeing them on Christmas. They won't even call to check on mom but my sis will. Have a very Merry Christmas!
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