I’ve been sitting on the other side of the table for three years now. It’s quite different over here.
For years, I loved, cared for and worried about my mom. I would lose sleep over her health and well-being. I was devastated when she finally passed after years of suffering.
I never really thought I’d experience such an intense love again. Sure, I love my DH but like I’ve said before, he’s not my blood. He’s my partner, friend, etc., but I am not genetically connected to him.
With my son, I’m experiencing that intense love again. I love, care and worry about him. I get slightly anxious when I’m going to pick him up after work, like I can’t wait to see him and hear about his day. If my DH and my son are out together and due back at a certain time, I get a little worked up when they’re late.
There are days where I want to protect my son from the world and just keep him in a bubble. I worry about everything from safety (i.e. crossing the street) to hurt feelings (i.e. bullying). I want to protect him from anything that will harm him. I want to hide him away and keep him happy and oblivious to anything bad in the world. Of course, I won’t do that. But that’s how much I love him… I would do anything for him.
I didn’t think I’d ever be here; the other side of the table. I am the mom now; no longer the child. I thought my friends who had kids were exaggerating about how much you love them and all that. I found kids annoying and avoided them. Having my son has brought me to a whole new level of love. My heart almost feels like it’s going to break because I love him so much.
There is life after death. I went through really dark days when I was losing and eventually lost my mom. Now I am in the sun again.