Who are these people? They are my DH's ex and all her friends (yes, including that army of vicious gays), my DH's sister and some extended family.
My entry into facebook started out as fun. It's fun to:
- keep in touch with your friends and relatives you don't see often on there
- post & look at pictures
- play games and exchange little peeks into friends everyday lives
- see what people from your past are up to (yes, a little voyeuristic of me but hey at least I admit it!)
- be "friends" with people you don't trust
- have your DH's sister scroll through everything on your page looking for anything damning and report your every move to your DH ("gasp...citygirl wrote on someone's wall today!")
- have pictures posted of you from hellish events and then be made fun of by the army of vicious gays...yes it was horrible. These people don't even know that I'm on facebook so when I stumbled across these pictures I was pretty hurt to see little catty remarks being made about me. Frig, I was the bigger person to attend that stupid event in the first place.
- see that your DH's ex and his sister are "friends". Who knows what that really means but it still hurts. Makes me feel like a complete loser. Somedays I think to myself "why am I even in this situation? Why don't I just step aside?"
At one point, I put my account on hold as "friendships" were causing some major problems with extended family. A couple was going through a divorce and it became quite a situation where "friends" were almost being asked to choose between them. I ended up "de-friending" both of them and blocking them (along with a ton of other people...I guess I'm paranoid that the privacy settings aren't strong enough. You know what they say...better to wear a belt & suspenders!)
Since then, I've almost chucked my account now & then a few times. Maybe I should just look through my friend list and weed out some people instead. I don't know exactly why I feel uneasy about it somedays. It almost feels like being back in the playground at school and being worried about being unpopular or talked about behind your back or worse yet, being out rightly picked on (oh wait, that already happened to me!).
Speaking of the playground...I wasn't terribly popular in elementary school. I was quiet and kept a few close friends. My school had 2 geographical areas, one was walking distance and the other was school-busing distance. I was part of the walking group which was considerably smaller than the bus group. Needless to say, the walking group were the outsiders. We weren't "in" with the bus group and majority ruled popularity. The bus group would all go to each other's parties and laugh about them on Monday at school. The bus group stayed at school for lunch and would party everyday while the walking people went home for lunch with their mom or nanny. The bus group bullied and picked on the walking people quite a bit. It was a really personality-defining experience for me.
So here I am again...on the playground known as facebook. I have my close friends. And I seem to have a ton of other friends. But there's also that group that makes me feel like I'm that 7-year-old girl in the schoolyard again.