Monday, July 15, 2013

The other side of the table

I’ve been sitting on the other side of the table for three years now.  It’s quite different over here.

For years, I loved, cared for and worried about my mom.  I would lose sleep over her health and well-being.  I was devastated when she finally passed after years of suffering.

I never really thought I’d experience such an intense love again.  Sure, I love my DH but like I’ve said before, he’s not my blood.  He’s my partner, friend, etc., but I am not genetically connected to him.

With my son, I’m experiencing that intense love again.  I love, care and worry about him.  I get slightly anxious when I’m going to pick him up after work, like I can’t wait to see him and hear about his day.  If my DH and my son are out together and due back at a certain time, I get a little worked up when they’re late.

There are days where I want to protect my son from the world and just keep him in a bubble.  I worry about everything from safety (i.e. crossing the street) to hurt feelings (i.e. bullying).  I want to protect him from anything that will harm him.  I want to hide him away and keep him happy and oblivious to anything bad in the world.  Of course, I won’t do that.  But that’s how much I love him… I would do anything for him.

I didn’t think I’d ever be here; the other side of the table.  I am the mom now; no longer the child.  I thought my friends who had kids were exaggerating about how much you love them and all that.  I found kids annoying and avoided them.  Having my son has brought me to a whole new level of love.  My heart almost feels like it’s going to break because I love him so much.

There is life after death.  I went through really dark days when I was losing and eventually lost my mom.  Now I am in the sun again.